anne hubben, creative career coach         anne@rubycreatives.com 917.834.0354

there’s always more

 

Yes, there’s always more to learn. We respond to that differently depending on where we are in life.  When we’re kids we hate that we have so much to learn. (I see it in the kids in my life now + recognize that feeling of frustration when they can’t do something). But as an adult, I think it’s almost a relief that I still have so much to look forward to.  I don’t know everything. I have gained some wisdom over the years, but there’s so much more to learn. Always.

I’m in the process of giving my site a makeover.  I’m poking around on different sites + seeing some really cool things that people are doing.  At first, before I decided to do the makeover, I felt anxious that I wasn’t there yet. But I told myself that I would be ready when I’m ready and I was okay with that.  Things take time to germinate + blossom, but you can’t stand over it and will it to grow. You have to tend to it, by being present, taking actions, and trusting in the process.

This is a much different attitude than I had in my 20s. I was trying to figure out what to do with my life and was intimidated by people who were really good at their craft or by how much training something would take.  So I became an appreciator instead.  As a creative recruiter, I got to see and support the talents of others. Sometimes I regretted not going to design school when I was younger, but I got pretty good at spotting talent + somehow I got to where I am now, which is doing something I love.  With space to breathe now, I’ve been able to recognize my own creativity + see the many forms that it takes. I continue to be inspired by other people’s work + how they live their lives.

There’s always more to learn.  It doesn’t mean that we’re not perfect right now. We are. But, right now we can do something that scares us, question our habits and routines, look inside ourselves, admire other people + things + become more of ourselves.  Because there’s always more.

do it anyway

 

“Practice is the best of all instructors.”

- Publilius Syrus (Roman author, 1st Century BC)

I’m very familiar with the importance of a daily practice in order to get good at anything.  In a perfect world, I would have a daily meditation, yoga, writing + piano practice. Yet, it’s not a perfect world and I resist all of it. I like to think that the struggle is in itself a practice.

We’re not perfect. Even if we did what we’re supposed to do every day, we would not be perfect. We make progress though. Progress can be very satisfying.  I’ve just had that feeling after having practiced piano 4 days in a row. I’ve realized that I’m getting better at a couple of songs that stumped me last week.

When I started piano it came to me easily and I practiced diligently.  I moved through the first few books + enjoyed it tremendously.  Then I reached a book that was harder + it didn’t come quite so easily. Suddenly I didn’t like practicing as much.  Now there was work involved.

For the last couple of weeks, after a lesson I avoided the piano for the first few days feeling that I needed a break. After all, the next lesson would be a week away, I would have plenty of time to get up to speed.  But, I didn’t get up to speed. By the time my lesson rolled around, I would have practiced for 4 days, but it wasn’t enough. I went in to class feeling sheepish + awkward. How old am I? 12? I’m paying for my own lessons. Why would I do that?  So, I fessed up to my teacher + he gave it to me straight, “you have to practice on the day of our lesson so this stuff sinks in or you won’t progress as you should.”   That’s all I needed to hear.  The jig was up. I have to practice. I’m not a prodigy. Although even they need to practice.

It is satisfying to see my progress after doing what he suggested.  I’m amused by my resistance to something that I’m doing by choice because I enjoy it.  In fact, that’s the case with anything I resist like writing or yoga.

It’s easy when it’s effortless. The real work comes in when it’s not. That’s also when you grow + see things unfold.  By writing this post, I’m working on detaching from the “struggle.”  It’s something that happens + I don’t have to succumb to it. I’m bigger than that. I can notice the resistance + do it any way. That’s what makes a practice.

getting used to things

 

I’ve been thinking about how you can get used to pretty much anything.  That can be a good thing + a not so good thing.  When you’re doing something new that feels uncomfortable, it’s good to hear that you will get used to it soon enough.  It will get easier to do.  But, if you’re stuck in complacency in a job because “you’re used to it,” then that’s not such a good thing.

We tell ourselves that it’s not so bad, we’re lucky to have a job, just stop expecting so much.  Sure, this might be true in some cases, but does it really hurt to ask the questions?  Sometimes we get so scared to make a move that we’re afraid to acknowledge our feelings.  But, complacency numbs the mind and life’s too short to accept that.

So go ahead and ask the questions.  Talk to your friends and see if they have any answers.  Gathering information is not the same as quitting your job.  Take small steps to start and get used to how it feels to walk out of your comfort zone just a little. You’ll get used to it.

Then little by little, with the new information that you have, you will start to formulate a plan. The plan might be to stay where you are, but adjust your attitude and get serious about a promotion. Or it might be to get your portfolio together and start looking for some place new. Whatever it is, you’ll be ready for the action you take because you’ve built up to it.  You became used to each new level of discomfort and moved on to the next one. That’s what we do when we allow time and effort to work it’s magic.

15 things i love about july

 

Summer is here in all its glory and I’ve been sick the last couple of days and not so happy about the heat. So I thought I’d write a list of what I love about July to cheer myself up.

1.  My birthday. Even though getting older isn’t as much fun when you’re older, I still get a little thrill when I know the day is approaching

2.  Raspberries, Blueberries + Peaches. My neighbor has a raspberry bush + it’s right outside my door. Blueberries are cheap at the store + oh, so good in cereal. A perfectly ripe peach shocks me with its goodness every time.

3.  Sprinklers. I love having them around again now that I’m in the suburbs. Kids playing in them is even better.

4.  Block parties.

5.  Barbecues + picnics + corn on the cob.

6.  Campfires + S’mores.

7.  The smell of bugspray + suntan lotion.

8.  A day at the beach or pool.

9.  Being on any kind of boat.

10. Fireflies.

11. Vegetable + flower gardens.

12. Lemonade.

13. Hammocks.

14.Little league baseball.

15.Walking at night.

There, I feel better already. Please feel free to add some of your own favorites. I heard it’s 100 degrees in NYC so you might want to create your own list.

Q & A on talking salary

 

Discussing salary in a job interview is something that most people dread. It’s also a topic of much debate.  Today I will put the questions that I most frequently get in a Q & A format:

What do I say when they ask me what salary I’m looking for?

Most people agree that when possible, you should not be the first person to give a number.  But, when you’re directly asked what you’re looking for, what do you say?   It depends on where you are in the process. If they ask you at the start of the interview, it’s very reasonable to say: “I’d like to hear more about the position before I give a number.”  Or you could turn the question around by saying, “Without knowing much about the position, it’s hard to say. What is the budget for this role?”

If this is the 3rd round of interviews + they ask you, then, again, turn it around  by saying: “Before I give you a number, could you tell me what range this role is paying?”

My present salary is much lower than it should be, so when they ask me what I’m making now, how do I handle that?

You could say something like this:  “I’m underpaid at my present job. Based on the research that I’ve done in the industry, my salary should be 60k”  Then they might ask why you’re underpaid and  just keep it simple with something like, “They’ve not been able to give anyone raises for the past year due to budget constraints, although I’ve always had good reviews.” Don’t talk about how lame the company is. Stay positive.

Do I have to write down my salary history?

In every place that I’ve worked, we always had an application that asked for salary history.  But when I research this question online, all advice says not to give your salary history. You don’t have to. In my experience, most people completed the salary history, but if they didn’t, that was fine.  I just asked them about it.  Sometimes, they would say that their past jobs didn’t pay well and they’d rather talk about what they’d like to make. No problem.  Or they’d get all nervous and shifty eyed and blurt something out like “I don’t have to tell you that.” That was just uncomfortable all around and generally didn’t work to their advantage.

The main thing is to give the discussion some thought ahead of time, speak with confidence and assume that they want to pay you what you’re worth. They might not want to, but assume it so that you’re giving off the right energy. I’ve interviewed some people who clearly thought I was trying to screw them and it made the conversation more awkward than it had to be.

There’s a difference between the body language of someone who is uncomfortable with discussing salary and someone who thinks you’re out to get them.  Be the first person if you can’t be confident and smooth. There’s nothing wrong with some hemming and hawing and saying that you’re not comfortable discussing salary. Otherwise, you risk being the nervous and shifty eyed person.  That person doesn’t generally do well with salary or getting a job for that matter.

If you’ve got some specific questions you’d like me to answer, please feel free to post them in the comments.

5 thoughts on setting boundaries

 

Many people have a hard time setting clear boundaries. Whether it’s at work or with family or friends, it can be tough.  So, here are a few thoughts that I thought might help with this.

1 — In order to speak up, trust that the other person can handle what you have to say.

2 — if you don’t speak up, it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

3 — Be impeccable with your word. (That’s from the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and the one that stayed with me).  When you say you’re finished with someone or something, be finished. Make sure you’re ready and you mean it before you speak up.

4 — Check your motives. Are you calling your former friend because you genuinely want to see her or because you don’t want to be disliked?

5 — Allow for the empty space that will at first surround you. When you cut ties with people who aren’t good for you, you may feel alone in the beginning. This may be hard, but it is an important time to get through because it will allow for new and hopefully healthier people to come in to the space that you’ve created.

10 things I know now

 
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Continuing with my movement for midlife transformation I thought I’d make a list of 10 things that would have been nice to know when I was younger. Although even if someone had told me, and maybe they did, these are things you probably have to experience for yourself to have any faith in.

1 – It will all work itself out if you just keep moving forward.

2 – We’re all scared. The secret is to do it anyway.

3 – Everybody else doesn’t have it as figured out as they appear to.

4 – Acceptance of things you can’t control, like other people, is one of the most powerful things you can learn. The sooner you realize it the better.

5 – Ambition is good, but gratitude for what you have right now is a practice that will make you much happier.

6 – Don’t compare yourself to other people. There will always be someone smarter, funnier, better looking and more talented. But there’s only one of you.  Own that and celebrate it and you’ll be just fine.

8 – Questions are good. It’s okay to be a beginner. In fact, it’s a really good state of mind to have in most interactions with people and things.  The Zen Buddhists call it Beginner’s Mind and it means to be open to new ideas and question things rather than take the stance of an expert who already knows it all.

9 – Help other people when you can. Its good karma and feels right.

10 – Work doesn’t have to suck. If you think it does, it’s time for a change.

These are just a few of mine.  What lessons have you learned in life?  Please feel free to share in the comments.

quick shot of inspiration

 

“Character – the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life – is the source from which self-respect springs.” – Joan Didion

I’m heading out later today on an excursion for the rest of the week so here’s a quick post with one of my favorite quotes.  When I got sober for the last time, this profound statement kept me going. I posted it on my refrigerator where it remains today.  I would love to put it in the employee manual at many places where I’ve worked.  I’m sure I could have used it in addition to many coworkers. We love to blame other people for our problems. We have no control over anybody but ourselves.  We need to quit bitching and take this quote to heart. it can be transformative.

it’s never too late to change

 

It’s never too late to change. If you’re still breathing and your heart is pumping, you can do it.

Take a moment and ask yourself if you like how you feel.   Do you like how you feel when you wake up? (correction: after the first cup of coffee?)  Do you enjoy the work that you’re doing? How about the people you’re doing it with? Do you feel happy when you walk in to your home at night?

If something isn’t right, the first shift is acknowledging it. That probably seems simple, but it can be a formidable act. Many people will do anything to avoid looking at what isn’t working.  It can be painful, frustrating, overwhelming and potentially create unrest in your life.  Nobody likes unrest.  Especially when it affects those around you.

Although you hopefully know by now that you can’t live your life based on others expectations, it can still be a challenge to put yourself first.  But, it really is simpler and more straightforward to follow your own heart rather than someone else’s. Sure, there are concrete obligations to consider and you can consider them part of the creative brief.  You’ve thrived creatively on the limitations imposed on a problem to solve, now apply that concept to your own happiness.

After you’ve recognized the truth, it’s time to create your vision. Think big.  Don’t let your rational mind hold you back.  There’s time later to sort through it and make it realistic yet authentic, but in its infancy, have fun and break the rules.  After you’ve done that, give it some time to settle in and then percolate.

At this point it’s helpful to talk through your ideas with someone.  This is where an objective point of view can keep you focused, moving forward, pragmatic yet positive. We often get in our own way and a partner, like a coach or a trusted friend can prevent you from going down the dark road of your own mind for too long.  Once you have 3 to 4 different possibilities, its research time.  Here’s where you use your online and personal resources. Look in to things and talk to people. When you’re taking in lots of external information it can be overwhelming and confusing, but also invigorating and clarifying. Continue to believe in your ability to change.

Take care of yourself throughout this process.  Hopefully you know what that means for you.  Remember that you have choices.  There are sometimes too many and sometimes too few, but trust that the process will bring the right choice to the surface. Then believe that you have the ability to make the change. More and more in my life I’m seeing how we’re only limited by our own beliefs. Create the new belief that it’s never too late to change.

ready to give twitter a chance?

 

My last post was directed to those in advertising who have been successful for years and suddenly find themselves without the skills everyone seems to want.  I suggested that before you spend money on a class in Flash or html, first embrace the internet so that you’re familiar with the technology that’s revolutionizing advertising.  Today I’ll walk you through giving Twitter a chance. Of course, it occurs to me that if you’re reading my blog, you’re probably pretty comfortable in these areas, but maybe you could send these links to someone who could use the help. I know they’re out there because I talk to them on the phone and I’m hearing frustration, overwhelm and confusion about what to do next.

First the Twitter pep talk:  In the beginning I thought it was weird, invasive and a little creepy. But then I got a new client who had heard of me on her friend’s twitter stream and I realized I had to check this out more seriously.

Of course, it’s not for everyone, but at least familiarize yourself with what it does and what’s possible so you know what’s going on.  If you go in to an interview and rant about how you don’t know why anyone wants to know what you had for lunch that day, there’s a good chance the hiring manager will write something in their notes like “doesn’t get it” or “old school.”

Okay, so now you understand why you need to spend your precious time on this, here are 8 simple steps to take:

1 – sign up for an account. It’s easy. If you don’t want to use your name, use an alias. If you don’t want to use a photo of yourself, use any image, but a photo is more personal.

2 – you can use the “protect my tweets” option and I did that for about 5 minutes, but it kind of misses the point unless you’ve got some top secret “if I tell you I’ll have to kill you” kind of information.

3 – find your friends or your favorite magazines or news or job sites (@nytimes@PositivelyCleve, @smashingmag, @TED_TALKS, @Krop_jobs, @talentzoojobs) it’s endless, I’m telling you.  Or you can follow me @annehubben and see who I’m following.  Looking at someone’s followers is a great way to discover new people.  Better yet, look at the person’s lists on the right hand side. They will have people organized by topics like “advertising” or “yoga.”

4 – try out a few of your own tweets.  I started with quotes that inspired me. It felt safer.  Then if you like what someone says, you can “retweet it” there’s a button to do that now, or you can go old school and put RT followed by their name, so it would say:  RT@rubcreatives: great article in Rolling Stones today.

5 – if you’re starting to get overwhelmed by it all and your A.D.D. is taking off, create your own lists to organize things in topics.

6 – if, like me in the beginning, you have trouble remembering to go to Twitter, look in to a free program like Tweet Deck so you can get the tweets on your desktop or Hootesuite which is online, but you can schedule your tweets.  That way, you can space out your tweets or schedule them in the morning for different times during the day. But be careful with the timing so it doesn’t appear that you’re tweeting in a meeting with your boss.

7 – if you still need some more help with how to manage Twitter or get the most out of it, check out someone like Laura Roeder who writes posts and gives tutorials on using social media and specifically Twitter.

8 – get creative with what you tweet – check out @betsyaaron. She tweets a little slice of creative writing every day. It has become her writing practice.

If you’re trying it out and find yourself unable to leave Twitter because you don’t want to miss anything, don’t worry, it passes. The need to read every single tweet thankfully goes away and you get used to the whole process.

Finally, please let me know your experience with this. I would love to hear both successes and also obstacles that you have. We’re all different, so I’d love to hear what you think.  Tweet me, email me, post a comment here.  Let’s talk online with the tools that we have.