anne hubben, creative career coach         anne@rubycreatives.com 917.834.0354

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what are you tolerating?

Wednesday, August 11th, 2010
 

Do you ever notice how there are certain things that just never get done?  For me there’s a big basket of receipts that I have to sort that has been sitting near my TV for more than a month, maybe it’s 2, I can’t bear to count.  I have a purple room in my house that I’d really like to paint. Every time I look at it, I feel the weight of that chore.

In the world of coaching they call these tolerations.  It’s any sort of “to do” that nags at you every time you encounter it.  It could be a small task like replacing a light bulb to a larger task like cleaning out your closet or in my case painting a room.   No matter how big or small the task is, it’s there weighing on you and draining your energy.

Why don’t we just do these things then? I have no idea. I’m not a psychologist.  But I am a coach and my job is to create ways to move through these kinds of obstacles.   So here are a few suggestions on how to abolish your tolerations.

1.  Create a list of every single toleration in your house or personal life:  from the disastrous sock drawer to the roof that needs shingling to the vet appointment for your dog.  Then in your office or professional life:  from the expense report to your employee’s review to updating your bio. Decide whether to tackle one list at a time or both.  If both, try doing 5 things from one list, then switch to the other and back again.

2.  Prioritize the list.  In fact, feel free to put the easiest things at the top of the list so that you can have the immediate gratification of crossing a few things off.  But you also might consider putting the harder stuff first to get it out of the way. You know yourself so do it in whatever way you think will be most effective.

3. Take a few moments to envision how it will feel to have some of these things done.  For me, I could imagine feeling satisfied and peaceful when my room is no longer purple.  It will be more aesthetically pleasing + I will enjoy spending time in there rather than just leaving it for my dogs to hang out in.

4. Commit to a plan that is specific and realistic.  Depending on the length of your list, it could be a commitment to fix one thing a day. Or if everything is large on your list, then commit to one task a week.  Just don’t go overboard, think about your schedule, be practical.  Tell someone about your plan.  Even better partner up with someone for support.

I’m going to do this myself + will report back on how I’m doing. If you’d like to join me, let me know in the comments or send me an email.

Posted in action, problem solving, solutions | 2 Comments »

getting used to things

Monday, July 12th, 2010
 

I’ve been thinking about how you can get used to pretty much anything.  That can be a good thing + a not so good thing.  When you’re doing something new that feels uncomfortable, it’s good to hear that you will get used to it soon enough.  It will get easier to do.  But, if you’re stuck in complacency in a job because “you’re used to it,” then that’s not such a good thing.

We tell ourselves that it’s not so bad, we’re lucky to have a job, just stop expecting so much.  Sure, this might be true in some cases, but does it really hurt to ask the questions?  Sometimes we get so scared to make a move that we’re afraid to acknowledge our feelings.  But, complacency numbs the mind and life’s too short to accept that.

So go ahead and ask the questions.  Talk to your friends and see if they have any answers.  Gathering information is not the same as quitting your job.  Take small steps to start and get used to how it feels to walk out of your comfort zone just a little. You’ll get used to it.

Then little by little, with the new information that you have, you will start to formulate a plan. The plan might be to stay where you are, but adjust your attitude and get serious about a promotion. Or it might be to get your portfolio together and start looking for some place new. Whatever it is, you’ll be ready for the action you take because you’ve built up to it.  You became used to each new level of discomfort and moved on to the next one. That’s what we do when we allow time and effort to work it’s magic.

Posted in action, change, state of mind | No Comments »

it’s never too late to change

Tuesday, June 15th, 2010
 

It’s never too late to change. If you’re still breathing and your heart is pumping, you can do it.

Take a moment and ask yourself if you like how you feel.   Do you like how you feel when you wake up? (correction: after the first cup of coffee?)  Do you enjoy the work that you’re doing? How about the people you’re doing it with? Do you feel happy when you walk in to your home at night?

If something isn’t right, the first shift is acknowledging it. That probably seems simple, but it can be a formidable act. Many people will do anything to avoid looking at what isn’t working.  It can be painful, frustrating, overwhelming and potentially create unrest in your life.  Nobody likes unrest.  Especially when it affects those around you.

Although you hopefully know by now that you can’t live your life based on others expectations, it can still be a challenge to put yourself first.  But, it really is simpler and more straightforward to follow your own heart rather than someone else’s. Sure, there are concrete obligations to consider and you can consider them part of the creative brief.  You’ve thrived creatively on the limitations imposed on a problem to solve, now apply that concept to your own happiness.

After you’ve recognized the truth, it’s time to create your vision. Think big.  Don’t let your rational mind hold you back.  There’s time later to sort through it and make it realistic yet authentic, but in its infancy, have fun and break the rules.  After you’ve done that, give it some time to settle in and then percolate.

At this point it’s helpful to talk through your ideas with someone.  This is where an objective point of view can keep you focused, moving forward, pragmatic yet positive. We often get in our own way and a partner, like a coach or a trusted friend can prevent you from going down the dark road of your own mind for too long.  Once you have 3 to 4 different possibilities, its research time.  Here’s where you use your online and personal resources. Look in to things and talk to people. When you’re taking in lots of external information it can be overwhelming and confusing, but also invigorating and clarifying. Continue to believe in your ability to change.

Take care of yourself throughout this process.  Hopefully you know what that means for you.  Remember that you have choices.  There are sometimes too many and sometimes too few, but trust that the process will bring the right choice to the surface. Then believe that you have the ability to make the change. More and more in my life I’m seeing how we’re only limited by our own beliefs. Create the new belief that it’s never too late to change.

Posted in Uncategorized, action, change, problem solving, self development, state of mind | 1 Comment »

stay in the game by playing

Monday, June 7th, 2010
 

YouTube Preview ImageMy sister and I still chuckle about a friend saying to us a few years back that “this internet thing will never last.”  It not only lasted, but changed more things than we ever could have imagined. So when I hear people say that they don’t see what’s so different about interactive advertising vs. traditional advertising, it reminds me of this friend’s comment.  Yes, a good creative person should be able to come up with an idea that can cross all media, but how can you do that without being on top of the technology?   Staying on top of it doesn’t necessarily mean taking a class in html coding. Sure, that would be helpful, but first, familiarize yourself with the media.  You have to play with the tools a bit on your own, find out what you want to know more of and why. Don’t just take a class to save your ass. The internet is here to stay so if we want to stay employed, we need to embrace that fact.

For example, many people will say that they have Facebook or Twitter accounts, but they don’t get what the big deal is or hardly ever use it.  If you don’t get what these services provide, then there’s no sense in using your hard earned money (and time) for a class.  Knowing coding won’t give you ideas on how to engage with the consumer.  It’s like learning french, but having nobody else to speak french with.  It’s fine, but you probably won’t retain it for very long or enjoy it as much.  As for social networks, you don’t have to love them, but it’s important to have an understanding of why some people would.

The reason I love Twitter so much is for the accessible information.  I have access to leaders in advertising, design, technology and fine art.  I know what they’re up to, what they’re thinking about, who they’re collaborating with. I can be a part of the conversation.  That’s pretty cool considering I live in a suburb in Cleveland.

Many people want to make the effort to use these tools, but get overwhelmed by where to start.  Since you’re probably already on Facebook, start there.  One valid concern with Facebook is the whole privacy issue.  Take a look at this article that explains what the situation is and gives you the steps to protect your privacy.

Ok, so you’re on there, now what?  Do some searches and look for the different pages that people have set up.  These are found in the left hand column. You can start with mine and then go to my favorites that l list.  If it’s a big brand, there’s usually more going on like games, contests, videos, like on Slurpee’s page.   Or search key words like “advertising” or “art director” or whatever interests you.

Some people object to the applications that people send.  Just ignore them.  I prefer to check out shared links and videos.  I like to post links that people might find interesting, helpful or funny.  If you’re not in to someone’s updates, but want to stay connected, just remove them from your newsfeed.

Don’t worry if you do all this and you still don’t like it.  Hopefully, if you’re in advertising you’ll at least see how someone else could like it. Then try out something else.  Personally, I prefer Twitter.  So I’ll talk about that in my next post.

Posted in action, advertising, change, solutions | 1 Comment »

have you been uncomfortable lately?

Friday, May 7th, 2010
 

If not, you might want to figure out what you can do to become uncomfortable.  I hate the feeling as much as the next person, but several years ago, when I was freaking out to a friend, she wisely said that if she’s not feeling uncomfortable, she knows that she’s getting lazy or complacent.  This helped me a LOT that day and continues to be a guidepost for me as I move through my life.

A lot of things make me uncomfortable, so I’ve gotten used to the feeling, but some things are bigger than others.  Next week I’m stepping in to the “what the hell am I doing and who do I think I am?” realm when I go to a National Conference in DC by the organization called CARE.

I’ve been hesitant to talk about this since it really doesn’t have anything to do with Careers or Creativity, but as I watch all my changing emotions – fear of the unknown, excitement about making a difference, meeting new people, traveling to another city, I realized this is probably relevant for people who are thinking about changing something in their lives or just trying something new.

Maybe your thoughts don’t make any sense.  Maybe you actually like your job, the people you work with, but something isn’t right.  You try to push the feelings aside, but they just keep coming up.  Different day, same feeling.  The idea of my lobbying on Capitol Hill makes no sense when you look at my background.  I’m sure many friends are scratching their heads. But in my case, it took an article by Nicholas Kristoff in the New York Times that finally made it impossible to look away.

Since then I’ve been reading and researching and signing petitions and posting links and trying to figure out what I can do to help.  Then I saw this conference and it seemed like the perfect way to see “for real” how a Bill gets passed.  So I guess I’m still in research mode.  I don’t know what to expect at all but I’m going with an open mind + with the plan to just put one foot in front of the other.

I’m always telling my clients that when figuring out what to do next in your life or career, you kind of have to get comfortable with the Unknown.  So here I go, into the Unknown and you probably haven’t heard the last of this adventure.

Posted in action, change, state of mind | 3 Comments »

is rejection holding you back?

Friday, April 9th, 2010
 

Rejection stinks. Especially when you’re a sensitive type which most creative people are.  Fear of rejection is almost worse because its something we’re creating ourselves.  Having processed my own share of rejection and fear of it, as well as working with many clients who have to deal with it in different ways, I thought it would be worth writing about.

Some examples of rejection could be:

  • Your Creative Director tells you to get back to the drawing board after you and your partner stay up all night creating what you were sure would win you a Clio.
  • You spend 2 days writing the perfect cover letter for your dream job and you hear that they’ve hired someone else.
  • The agent who was so excited about your proposal doesn’t return your call.
  • You have a great idea in a brainstorming session, but don’t share it because you don’t want to look bad.

Whatever the flavor is, when it happens to you, it can bring up all kinds of uncomfortable feelings — shame, self-righteous anger, sadness, depression, futility, exhaustion, whatever it is, it’s usually not positive.

The trick is not to wallow in those initial feelings, but recognize them and move on.  Take the next action that will move you away from wallowing. That could be calling it a day and going home (put the brain down and walk away) or taking a walk around the block. Just get away from the situation for a minute and get a grip.

Then pick up the phone or pencil again and get back at it.

Yes, putting our work or ideas out in to the world can make us vulnerable, but if we don’t do it, then we really can’t wonder why we are where we are.

The barstool dreamer usually stays on the barstool.  If you want to get off of it, you have to deal with the discomfort and keep going forward.  Whatever you might think of Tiger Woods, you have admire him for getting back on to the golf course.  Sure, he’s got a lot of money at stake, but he could have waited it out longer.

The main thing to remember is what was so famously said in the Godfather: “It’s not personal, Sonny. It’s strictly business.”

Posted in action, letting go, persistence, problem solving, solutions, state of mind | No Comments »

taking time

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010
 

I work with a lot of people who are trying to figure out what to do next in their career. One of the most frustrating things seems to be the time it takes to figure it out. Everyone wants their answer yesterday, and often spend every waking moment looking for the answer and many other moments beating themselves up for not finding it quickly enough.

While there are many actions you can take like filling out assessments to discover your strengths, researching different jobs that interest you, sorting things out with a coach, none will produce an immediate answer. All of these actions contribute to the answer that will come when it’s ready to.

You don’t have control over when it arrives and that can be frustrating. But you do have control over berating yourself for not knowing yet. Often well meaning family members or friends ask how the job search is going, or your employed friends ask when you’ll be done contemplating your belly button, but don’t let others’ expectations guide you.

Many people have grown up with the belief that we work for a living and it doesn’t matter whether we like it or not. That’s fine for some, but others can’t abide by it. We all have our own individual situations and feelings. It’s not self-indulgent to want to be happy. It’s human nature.

So don’t feel that you have to explain yourself because most of the time, these well meaning friends aren’t thinking about what you’re doing. Just tell them that yes, you’re still looking for work and figuring some things out in the process. You’ll let them know if anything changes.

Meanwhile, to keep your own anxiety at bay, make sure you’re using the time that you now have to take care of yourself. Eat food that grows out of the ground, rather than just from wrappers or boxes, do something regularly such as going to the gym or walking the dog or taking yoga. It helps to have people expect you somewhere so that you feel less isolated. Make plans with your friends and suggest things that don’t cost a lot of money. The main thing is to not let yourself go to the dark side. If you want to visit for a little bit, that’s fine, but don’t let it go on too long. Call someone to snap you out of it.

Remember, you are not your job. You are a person with interests and strengths and yearnings to be __________. Fill in the blank. Whatever it is, it’s okay and if you don’t know, take the time to play and figure it out. If you don’t remember how to play, then look at your kids or dogs and if you don’t have any, borrow someone else’s.

Answers take time and taking that time isn’t irresponsible, but admirable because you’re recognizing your own right to professional happiness. You’re not accepting the status quo, daily grind, rat race crap we’ve been brainwashed in to believing is the only way. There isn’t one way. Now go find yours.

Posted in action, change, letting go, state of mind | 2 Comments »

dealing with fear

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010
 

One of the most common obstacles that I see with my clients to making a change is Fear. It’s not the bone chilling, shaking in your boots kind of fear, but far more subtle. Something that most don’t even recognize until asked about it point blank. Once it’s recognized it can create all kinds of other unseemly feelings like shame, sheepishness, vulnerability and confusion.

As we all know, fear is there to protect us from danger, so it’s a good healthy emotion, but it can be very sneaky too. It can feel equally strong when it’s an irrational fear (they’re not going to like me) as when it’s a very real fear (someone is lurking in a doorway in a parking garage).
But our minds and bodies don’t know the difference so we tend to want to run from the “danger” or fight it – it’s called our Fight or Flight mechanism.

If we allow ourselves to run from our fears, then we end up stuck in our safe, predictable lives and often feel unsatisfied as a result. When most of my clients call me, they’re tired of that feeing and ready to conquer the Beast.

In order to do that, it’s a good idea to recognize the fear for what it is. It’s different for everyone, but very often, it’s fear of failure. So, it’s helpful if we can break the fear down. Think of it as a puddle. First it’s huge, and you have to walk through it and it sucks. Your feet are wet and cold all day. Gradually, as you acknowledge your fear, but take actions towards change anyway, the puddle gets smaller. As you continue to do this and start to feel forward momentum, it eventually turns in to an inconsequential blob at your feet that you walk around.

If this seems easier said than done, there are a lot of good books to help you through it. Two that I’ve liked in the past are: Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers and Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life by Byron Katie. Both give you tools to uncover what’s going on and then how to move forward in spite of it.

Fear is a very normal and universal feeling and you have the power to overcome it if you’re willing to recognize it for what it is. A puddle.

Posted in action, change, letting go, musings, state of mind | No Comments »

do your practice

Monday, January 25th, 2010
 

The good news is that I’m busy, and not with running errands, but actual work. My schedule is changing as I fit more clients in to my days and while it’s exciting for me, I’ve not posted anything in almost 2 weeks! Yikes. I actually thought it had been a week, but there it is — January 12th.

I was hoping that a topic would come to me as I did other things and then it would just flow effortlessly. Um, yeah, it doesn’t really work that way all the time. I even read another blog advising that to be productive, it’s best to set up a daily writing routine. I told myself that I would do it, yet I didn’t. So I thought if i wrote about it, I might actually make a commitment to it.

The problem for me with writing is that I always intend to do it, i block out time on my calendar, I sit down with my good intentions and then I start searching the web for inspiration. Check out what other people are saying, look for interesting topics, all the while responding to emails and reading tweets as they roll in. How exactly does that constitute as writing?

I’ve known for years that to get good at anything, the key is to practice. As a result, there will be days where it’s effortless and other days where you wonder if you could possibly be the most untalented person alive.

When I was younger I hated to practice piano. No, time didn’t disappear as I pounded away at the keys, but instead the 30 minutes required to be allowed to go hang out with my friends seemed like 8 hours. Clearly, not my calling. But when I write, it doesn’t feel like work, I enjoy it, time disappears, so why do i resist it?

I’m not going to be able to answer that in this post. Instead I’m committing to a plan of writing 30 minutes a day. I’ll shut down email, my web browsers and do it. In fact, this session counts for today. Maybe first thing in the morning is my time. Coffee always helps.

By writing on a regular basis, as opposed to when I feel inspired, I give myself the chance to write something worthwhile. Yes, there is value in researching online, but it’s still not the act of writing. Just like creative people need to immerse themselves in all things creative to be inspired, they’re not only immersing themselves. Everyday they paint, write, play, photograph, sing, whatever their practice is.

In the wise words of the great Yoga Guru Pattabhi Jois, “Do your practice and all is coming.”

Posted in action, musings, persistence, problem solving, solutions, state of mind | No Comments »

showing up for 2010

Monday, January 4th, 2010
 

Happy New Year everybody! Here it is, the infamous “New Year.” The point in time after which everyone should be hiring, having meetings, spending money again, feeling rejuvenated. Shees, it’s a lot of pressure and enough to make anyone want to climb back under the covers. Especially when its dumping snow outside. Lovely on a Sunday morning, but Monday morning? Not so much.

Okay, so I’m sort of behaving like the “anti-coach” right now, but my point is that yes, it’s here, the year 2010. It seems like most people are happy to put 2009 behind us. Most are feeling optimistic about 2010. But, we should go easy on ourselves if our lives don’t resemble Emerald City on Monday morning.

Fresh starts are a wonderful motivator but it still takes time, effort and patience to see results. If you’re not seeing immediate results, you’re most likely not doing anything wrong, but experiencing the concept of planting seeds. Yes, I suppose it’s just like a garden. We don’t stand over the garden waiting for the vegetables to show up. We water every day, weed, and then suddenly we wake up one day, and there are tomatoes! Green, but still tomatoes. In fact, my own experience with a vegetable garden this past summer is living proof that you really don’t have to have every single piece of information to move forward. I borrowed all these gardening books from the library and barely cracked one open. Sometimes you have to just say “what the hell?” and start digging.

So with my first post in 2010, I really wanted it to be inspiring, but then I realized I was putting way too much pressure on myself and I just had to write it. Just show up. So here I am, not Superwoman, as I had envisioned during the holidays, but showered, out of my pajamas, teeth brushed, utilities still turned on, appointments in my calendar and looking forward to talking to my clients this week.

As Woody Allen said: “Eighty percent of success is showing up.”

Posted in action, state of mind | 2 Comments »

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