I’m determined to find another name for the so-called Midlife Crisis because it’s not a crisis at all really.  It’s actually a pretty amazing time in one’s life where we’re forced by some seemingly universal force to take a look around and decide if we are, in fact, happy.

If, like many, you feel like you’ve been dropped in to your life, you’re not alone. Many times we have no idea how we got to where we are. It just happens. For me it was a mixed bag. I was not surprised by where I was professionally because I had had so much angst about it that it kind of made sense to be where I was, but I was surprised by the fact of having to date again. Fortunately, I loved my job, and the dating, well, that would take me too far off of this topic.  It was also starting to feel a little creepy to be the oldest person walking home from the subway in the East Village (and there was that awful new building at Astor Place) so I moved to Brooklyn.  After adjusting to that change, I felt I had enough space around me to think.

But that just brought up more feelings and questions that I had to recognize.  The biggest question was, “What the hell am I going to do with the rest of my life?”  Whatever it is, it can’t be this.  Now, a couple years later, I work with clients as a coach, and see many people having these same feelings and questions in their late 30s and early 40s.   It’s a time when you have to face reality and admit that maybe you won’t be playing with your band at Madison Square Garden or decorating your vacation house on that Island that your husband owns.

Or maybe a different version of it could still happen. That’s the thing about this time – there’s less time left, but due to that simple fact, there develops a fire under your ass to get moving if it’s what you really want. Or maybe you just need to adjust your dreams a little bit.  Maybe Madison Square Garden won’t happen, but a small club in Austin would be pretty sweet.  Maybe my “husband” won’t buy me that vacation house, but I could still do it.  It’s feasible.  I work hard. Why not?

I began to feel powerful in the fact of my experience and less concerned about what other people thought I should do.  Yes, it’s true, I was single with no kids, so my options were less risky than if you have 3 kids to put through college.

But, hey, I had a mortgage and plenty of other bills.  It wasn’t like I just had a pack on my back.  But, these responsibilities were actually opportunities to get creative and figure out a realistic plan.  I had to take a look at what I’ve done, what my strengths are and make a decision based on those with a little bit of risk aversion thrown in.  I knew, for example, that I wasn’t going to try to become a copywriter at an ad agency or a foreign correspondent.  Well, I could have, but I wasn’t up for the struggle.

I instead decided to continue with what I was doing, recruiting, but do it on my own terms.  I took the leap and left my comfortable job with people that I loved and started working under my new name, Ruby Creatives.  What amazes me is how much Ruby has evolved since the beginning.   I started as a recruiter in Brooklyn, then, seemingly out of nowhere, I moved to Shaker Heights, Ohio, where I now attend Open Houses at my niece and nephews schools and I have a backyard with a garden.  I now don’t recruit at all, but coach creative people through changes like I’ve experienced myself.

It doesn’t stop here either.  What I’ve learned as a business owner is that I need to stay flexible and open to change.  I’ve been working on my brand since the beginning, but only recently have I had a revelation that I think is going to make things gel more over the next few months.

So, f*ck the midlife crisis and bring on the midlife transformation.   Okay, maybe corny, but it’s seriously what it feels like, so if you can come up with a better name, please let me know.  We need to start a movement.

Do you ever wake up and wonder how you’ll get through the day?  I recently had some devastating news in my personal life (someone very dear to me has passed away) and find myself processing it all the time.  When I wake up, when I’m eating, sitting, showering, driving, talking to friends, family.  It’s only been a few days, but life goes on and I have a job to do.

Fortunately, I love what I do and I don’t get a lot of time in my head.   I talk with people and it’s imperative that I’m actively listening.

However writing my blog is another matter.  Everything I think to write seems a bit trivial.  So, I decided to write what I’m experiencing and right now it’s to move forward anyway, even if I don’t feel like it.

Put one foot in front of the other and get out of bed, make the coffee, let the dogs out, shower, check emails, do what needs to be done.  It actually works.  This has been the case at many points in my life when I’ve had things to deal with outside of work.  It’s a relief to have something else to focus on that’s also automatic.

But also allow yourself time and space to deal with yourself.  If you need more sleep, then go to bed earlier, if you need to walk outside, go do that.  This past weekend that was sunny and warm, I spent mostly indoors, looking through photos, talking to friends, staring off in to space, just processing.  There would always be a point that I knew it was time to get out of the house and spend time with my sister and her kids or call a friend.

If your job gives you lots of time in your head, maybe search for things that keep you more mentally engaged – schedule that meeting you’ve been putting off, check in more on your staff to see if they could use your help.

But when you’ve got the time, allow yourself to wallow when you need it.  It may seem self indulgent, but if you don’t do it, the feelings just last longer.

If you’re creative, even secretly, express yourself too.  I have to admit that writing this post has been very therapeutic. So thank you for reading.