anne hubben, creative career coach         anne@rubycreatives.com 917.834.0354

10 things I know now

Monday, June 21st, 2010
 
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Continuing with my movement for midlife transformation I thought I’d make a list of 10 things that would have been nice to know when I was younger. Although even if someone had told me, and maybe they did, these are things you probably have to experience for yourself to have any faith in.

1 – It will all work itself out if you just keep moving forward.

2 – We’re all scared. The secret is to do it anyway.

3 – Everybody else doesn’t have it as figured out as they appear to.

4 – Acceptance of things you can’t control, like other people, is one of the most powerful things you can learn. The sooner you realize it the better.

5 – Ambition is good, but gratitude for what you have right now is a practice that will make you much happier.

6 – Don’t compare yourself to other people. There will always be someone smarter, funnier, better looking and more talented. But there’s only one of you.  Own that and celebrate it and you’ll be just fine.

8 – Questions are good. It’s okay to be a beginner. In fact, it’s a really good state of mind to have in most interactions with people and things.  The Zen Buddhists call it Beginner’s Mind and it means to be open to new ideas and question things rather than take the stance of an expert who already knows it all.

9 – Help other people when you can. Its good karma and feels right.

10 – Work doesn’t have to suck. If you think it does, it’s time for a change.

These are just a few of mine.  What lessons have you learned in life?  Please feel free to share in the comments.

Posted in Uncategorized, change, letting go, musings, self development, solutions, state of mind | 2 Comments »

is rejection holding you back?

Friday, April 9th, 2010
 

Rejection stinks. Especially when you’re a sensitive type which most creative people are.  Fear of rejection is almost worse because its something we’re creating ourselves.  Having processed my own share of rejection and fear of it, as well as working with many clients who have to deal with it in different ways, I thought it would be worth writing about.

Some examples of rejection could be:

  • Your Creative Director tells you to get back to the drawing board after you and your partner stay up all night creating what you were sure would win you a Clio.
  • You spend 2 days writing the perfect cover letter for your dream job and you hear that they’ve hired someone else.
  • The agent who was so excited about your proposal doesn’t return your call.
  • You have a great idea in a brainstorming session, but don’t share it because you don’t want to look bad.

Whatever the flavor is, when it happens to you, it can bring up all kinds of uncomfortable feelings — shame, self-righteous anger, sadness, depression, futility, exhaustion, whatever it is, it’s usually not positive.

The trick is not to wallow in those initial feelings, but recognize them and move on.  Take the next action that will move you away from wallowing. That could be calling it a day and going home (put the brain down and walk away) or taking a walk around the block. Just get away from the situation for a minute and get a grip.

Then pick up the phone or pencil again and get back at it.

Yes, putting our work or ideas out in to the world can make us vulnerable, but if we don’t do it, then we really can’t wonder why we are where we are.

The barstool dreamer usually stays on the barstool.  If you want to get off of it, you have to deal with the discomfort and keep going forward.  Whatever you might think of Tiger Woods, you have admire him for getting back on to the golf course.  Sure, he’s got a lot of money at stake, but he could have waited it out longer.

The main thing to remember is what was so famously said in the Godfather: “It’s not personal, Sonny. It’s strictly business.”

Posted in action, letting go, persistence, problem solving, solutions, state of mind | No Comments »

taking time

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010
 

I work with a lot of people who are trying to figure out what to do next in their career. One of the most frustrating things seems to be the time it takes to figure it out. Everyone wants their answer yesterday, and often spend every waking moment looking for the answer and many other moments beating themselves up for not finding it quickly enough.

While there are many actions you can take like filling out assessments to discover your strengths, researching different jobs that interest you, sorting things out with a coach, none will produce an immediate answer. All of these actions contribute to the answer that will come when it’s ready to.

You don’t have control over when it arrives and that can be frustrating. But you do have control over berating yourself for not knowing yet. Often well meaning family members or friends ask how the job search is going, or your employed friends ask when you’ll be done contemplating your belly button, but don’t let others’ expectations guide you.

Many people have grown up with the belief that we work for a living and it doesn’t matter whether we like it or not. That’s fine for some, but others can’t abide by it. We all have our own individual situations and feelings. It’s not self-indulgent to want to be happy. It’s human nature.

So don’t feel that you have to explain yourself because most of the time, these well meaning friends aren’t thinking about what you’re doing. Just tell them that yes, you’re still looking for work and figuring some things out in the process. You’ll let them know if anything changes.

Meanwhile, to keep your own anxiety at bay, make sure you’re using the time that you now have to take care of yourself. Eat food that grows out of the ground, rather than just from wrappers or boxes, do something regularly such as going to the gym or walking the dog or taking yoga. It helps to have people expect you somewhere so that you feel less isolated. Make plans with your friends and suggest things that don’t cost a lot of money. The main thing is to not let yourself go to the dark side. If you want to visit for a little bit, that’s fine, but don’t let it go on too long. Call someone to snap you out of it.

Remember, you are not your job. You are a person with interests and strengths and yearnings to be __________. Fill in the blank. Whatever it is, it’s okay and if you don’t know, take the time to play and figure it out. If you don’t remember how to play, then look at your kids or dogs and if you don’t have any, borrow someone else’s.

Answers take time and taking that time isn’t irresponsible, but admirable because you’re recognizing your own right to professional happiness. You’re not accepting the status quo, daily grind, rat race crap we’ve been brainwashed in to believing is the only way. There isn’t one way. Now go find yours.

Posted in action, change, letting go, state of mind | 2 Comments »

dealing with fear

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010
 

One of the most common obstacles that I see with my clients to making a change is Fear. It’s not the bone chilling, shaking in your boots kind of fear, but far more subtle. Something that most don’t even recognize until asked about it point blank. Once it’s recognized it can create all kinds of other unseemly feelings like shame, sheepishness, vulnerability and confusion.

As we all know, fear is there to protect us from danger, so it’s a good healthy emotion, but it can be very sneaky too. It can feel equally strong when it’s an irrational fear (they’re not going to like me) as when it’s a very real fear (someone is lurking in a doorway in a parking garage).
But our minds and bodies don’t know the difference so we tend to want to run from the “danger” or fight it – it’s called our Fight or Flight mechanism.

If we allow ourselves to run from our fears, then we end up stuck in our safe, predictable lives and often feel unsatisfied as a result. When most of my clients call me, they’re tired of that feeing and ready to conquer the Beast.

In order to do that, it’s a good idea to recognize the fear for what it is. It’s different for everyone, but very often, it’s fear of failure. So, it’s helpful if we can break the fear down. Think of it as a puddle. First it’s huge, and you have to walk through it and it sucks. Your feet are wet and cold all day. Gradually, as you acknowledge your fear, but take actions towards change anyway, the puddle gets smaller. As you continue to do this and start to feel forward momentum, it eventually turns in to an inconsequential blob at your feet that you walk around.

If this seems easier said than done, there are a lot of good books to help you through it. Two that I’ve liked in the past are: Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers and Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life by Byron Katie. Both give you tools to uncover what’s going on and then how to move forward in spite of it.

Fear is a very normal and universal feeling and you have the power to overcome it if you’re willing to recognize it for what it is. A puddle.

Posted in action, change, letting go, musings, state of mind | No Comments »

breaking the rules

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009
 

Today I’m writing about breaking the rules. Even the way I say that is awkward. You see, I’m a bit of a control freak. Anyone who knows me and reads this is probably nodding his or her head in recognition, “yes Anne, you are.” This can be a good thing in certain situations and jobs, and it can be annoying as hell in others. I believe it served me well as a recruiter, but as a career coach, it has to be monitored (spoken like a true control freak).

One of my favorite quotes is by Gustave Flaubert and that is: “Be regular and orderly in your life so that you may be violent and original in your work.” I have that hanging above my desk, partly to justify my regularity, but also because I like the idea that to be really original or exciting, you need to take care of the basics (maybe to give you the needed juice). The basics should always be you, whatever you need to take care of yourself, but could also be your family, pets, apartment, house, whatever needs to be tended to. Then that foundation gives you the freedom to produce something exciting and original.

I’ve been taught this theory in yoga too. You start with the basic asanas (poses) and then build up to the more challenging ones like a headstand or side crow. Also, the act of the daily yoga practice sets up the rest of your life for more freedom of expression and courage to do what needs to be done.

As a coach, being original in my work could mean connecting with my clients as unique individuals and adjusting my process to each person, rather than applying a formula for everyone. Of course, as a coach there is a code of ethics that I follow established by the ICF (which eliminates the “violent” part of that quote), but even those guidelines provide a structure that helps me be more creative with what I do – sort of like a creative brief. Sometimes you need limitations to truly be creative.

With my clients, I encounter common themes in their feelings and challenges, but everyone is an individual. Each person is unique in how they process, learn, make decisions, reflect, react. A coach needs to stay in the moment and be able to stay flexible. As they said in my training – to dance in the moment.

As far as “breaking the rules,” I work for myself, so I have the freedom to make my own rules, and those that I believe in, like confidentiality and fairness, I will not break.

But one day when I was working on a proposal to work with a client, I wondered ‘well, how do other coaches do this?’ “what’s the expectation?” a wise friend said to me, “it’s your business, Anne, you make your own rules.”

What a concept. It was a relief and inspiration to make me work harder, think differently, reach higher, turn over rocks and open closed doors. So I write this post to make the commitment to continue growing, feeling uncomfortable and rid myself of the belief that I should be following some unspoken rule. Also to say to you that there are no rules about what to do next in your life. You know what your parameters are and if you don’t, figure them out, but then just be original, like only you can be.

Posted in action, letting go, musings, state of mind | No Comments »

breathe

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009
 

I tweeted the other day that it’s important to give yourself the space to not think about the problem you’re trying to solve. A writer friend tweeted back “unless you’re on deadline” which was a valid point.

But even then, I still think you can stand up and stretch your legs, walk around the block, stare at the sky and just breathe. Even for 5 minutes. If you’re thinking to yourself “I don’t have time to do that” then consider it a smoking break. Non-smokers might look at the smokers huddling outside with pity, but at least they’re giving themselves a break.

Of course, it would be preferable and healthier to breathe fresh air (relatively speaking), and not return to your desk smelling like you just stepped out of a bar. This is not a judgment or statement about smoking (I used to smoke and still oddly like that smell). I’m just illustrating a point and digressing, which probably doesn’t surprise anyone who knows me.

My point is – have you ever had a decision to make, thinking about it incessantly, going in circles, back and forth, telling one person one decision and then talking yourself out of it with the next one? Well, I have. And I’ve heard my clients do it too. And it’s not fun. But what I’ve come to realize is that the answer never comes that way. The answer comes when I give myself permission to not think about it anymore. To realize that by not beating it to death in my head I’m not being neglectful or irresponsible. I’m actually giving the answer the space to surface.

Then the next step is to dig deep and find the patience (you know it’s there somewhere) to let it arrive when it’s good and ready to. Also, trusting that the right answer for you will arrive at some point or another. It just might not be on deadline, but in that case, you’ll come up with something. You always do.

Posted in letting go, problem solving | 2 Comments »