When preparing for an interview or meeting, I’ve often coached people on what kinds of questions they might ask or be asked. Something that I don’t normally discuss is the importance of listening. If I were to say to someone, “be sure to listen well” I have a feeling they’d immediately say “of course” and that’s that. So I thought it would be a good topic to discuss today.

Ok, so how well do you listen to anyone? Not just at work, but at home, with your friends, with your children? We often have so much going on that we multi-task out of necessity. But, when we multi-task in conversation, by either thinking of the next thing we’re going to say, or ruminating on a phone call we just had, we may be able to pull it off, appearing as if we’re listening, but we basically end up having a half-assed conversation.

Not only is it disrespectful to the person you’re listening to, but you’re cheating yourself out of fully understanding and appreciating what the person is saying.
When you’re in an interview, it’s particularly challenging because we often feel compelled to strategize about a winning answer to their question before they’ve finished asking it. But it would be far more effective to focus and actively listen. Then, feel free to pause for a moment to gather your thoughts, breathe and then answer. Silence is okay for a few seconds. You’re not on TV or radio where 30 seconds of silence can seem like an hour. You’re in an interview where an occasional pause for reflection is to be expected. In fact, it’s even okay on TV or radio when someone has been asked a question.

Another way to set up good listening is to make sure you don’t ramble. Communicate in a succinct way. That’s why it’s a good idea to work on an “elevator speech.” Of course, in an interview, you will embellish more than you would in an “elevator”, but be aware of your listener. Pay attention to their interest, if you can tell by their body language that they’d like to say something, wrap up your point and let them get a word in.

Also, while you’re listening, look the speaker in the eye. (In fact, do that through the entire interview). There’s nothing worse than talking to someone who is looking around the room, checking their phone, basically avoiding your eyes. It seems obvious, but people do it all the time in interviews. Don’t let it be you.

The good news is that to practice the art of listening you can do it anytime with anyone. At first, you will probably notice how frequently you’re drifting when another person is talking. It’s okay if you catch yourself. Just notice it and reel yourself back in. You might find that certain times are more challenging than others. Talking on the phone can be a big culprit for multi-tasking. Nobody can see you, so why not check your emails or make lunch, but unless you’re like my sister and me and banter every couple of hours during the day, this can be really annoying to the person on the other line. It’s noticeable. You don’t think it is, but it is. I’ve heard it myself. And I’m not going to lie, I’ve done it myself, plenty. I really started thinking more about it when I began to coach. We had a whole class on the art of listening and it was helpful, mostly to be aware of its importance. To practice listening was very helpful and humbling at the same time.

Actively listening is a gift that you can give anyone. In your personal life you’ll start to notice your relationships deepening as people open up to you more. In your professional life, the pay off is a new job that you’ll be prepared for because you were listening in the interview! Well, hopefully. If you listen and it’s still not what you expected, that’s a whole different story and a post for the future.