anne hubben, creative career coach         anne@rubycreatives.com 917.834.0354

there’s always more

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010
 

Yes, there’s always more to learn. We respond to that differently depending on where we are in life.  When we’re kids we hate that we have so much to learn. (I see it in the kids in my life now + recognize that feeling of frustration when they can’t do something). But as an adult, I think it’s almost a relief that I still have so much to look forward to.  I don’t know everything. I have gained some wisdom over the years, but there’s so much more to learn. Always.

I’m in the process of giving my site a makeover.  I’m poking around on different sites + seeing some really cool things that people are doing.  At first, before I decided to do the makeover, I felt anxious that I wasn’t there yet. But I told myself that I would be ready when I’m ready and I was okay with that.  Things take time to germinate + blossom, but you can’t stand over it and will it to grow. You have to tend to it, by being present, taking actions, and trusting in the process.

This is a much different attitude than I had in my 20s. I was trying to figure out what to do with my life and was intimidated by people who were really good at their craft or by how much training something would take.  So I became an appreciator instead.  As a creative recruiter, I got to see and support the talents of others. Sometimes I regretted not going to design school when I was younger, but I got pretty good at spotting talent + somehow I got to where I am now, which is doing something I love.  With space to breathe now, I’ve been able to recognize my own creativity + see the many forms that it takes. I continue to be inspired by other people’s work + how they live their lives.

There’s always more to learn.  It doesn’t mean that we’re not perfect right now. We are. But, right now we can do something that scares us, question our habits and routines, look inside ourselves, admire other people + things + become more of ourselves.  Because there’s always more.

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do it anyway

Monday, July 19th, 2010
 

“Practice is the best of all instructors.”

- Publilius Syrus (Roman author, 1st Century BC)

I’m very familiar with the importance of a daily practice in order to get good at anything.  In a perfect world, I would have a daily meditation, yoga, writing + piano practice. Yet, it’s not a perfect world and I resist all of it. I like to think that the struggle is in itself a practice.

We’re not perfect. Even if we did what we’re supposed to do every day, we would not be perfect. We make progress though. Progress can be very satisfying.  I’ve just had that feeling after having practiced piano 4 days in a row. I’ve realized that I’m getting better at a couple of songs that stumped me last week.

When I started piano it came to me easily and I practiced diligently.  I moved through the first few books + enjoyed it tremendously.  Then I reached a book that was harder + it didn’t come quite so easily. Suddenly I didn’t like practicing as much.  Now there was work involved.

For the last couple of weeks, after a lesson I avoided the piano for the first few days feeling that I needed a break. After all, the next lesson would be a week away, I would have plenty of time to get up to speed.  But, I didn’t get up to speed. By the time my lesson rolled around, I would have practiced for 4 days, but it wasn’t enough. I went in to class feeling sheepish + awkward. How old am I? 12? I’m paying for my own lessons. Why would I do that?  So, I fessed up to my teacher + he gave it to me straight, “you have to practice on the day of our lesson so this stuff sinks in or you won’t progress as you should.”   That’s all I needed to hear.  The jig was up. I have to practice. I’m not a prodigy. Although even they need to practice.

It is satisfying to see my progress after doing what he suggested.  I’m amused by my resistance to something that I’m doing by choice because I enjoy it.  In fact, that’s the case with anything I resist like writing or yoga.

It’s easy when it’s effortless. The real work comes in when it’s not. That’s also when you grow + see things unfold.  By writing this post, I’m working on detaching from the “struggle.”  It’s something that happens + I don’t have to succumb to it. I’m bigger than that. I can notice the resistance + do it any way. That’s what makes a practice.

Posted in persistence, self development, solutions | 2 Comments »

5 thoughts on setting boundaries

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010
 

Many people have a hard time setting clear boundaries. Whether it’s at work or with family or friends, it can be tough.  So, here are a few thoughts that I thought might help with this.

1 — In order to speak up, trust that the other person can handle what you have to say.

2 — if you don’t speak up, it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

3 — Be impeccable with your word. (That’s from the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and the one that stayed with me).  When you say you’re finished with someone or something, be finished. Make sure you’re ready and you mean it before you speak up.

4 — Check your motives. Are you calling your former friend because you genuinely want to see her or because you don’t want to be disliked?

5 — Allow for the empty space that will at first surround you. When you cut ties with people who aren’t good for you, you may feel alone in the beginning. This may be hard, but it is an important time to get through because it will allow for new and hopefully healthier people to come in to the space that you’ve created.

Posted in communication, self development, solutions | No Comments »

10 things I know now

Monday, June 21st, 2010
 
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Continuing with my movement for midlife transformation I thought I’d make a list of 10 things that would have been nice to know when I was younger. Although even if someone had told me, and maybe they did, these are things you probably have to experience for yourself to have any faith in.

1 – It will all work itself out if you just keep moving forward.

2 – We’re all scared. The secret is to do it anyway.

3 – Everybody else doesn’t have it as figured out as they appear to.

4 – Acceptance of things you can’t control, like other people, is one of the most powerful things you can learn. The sooner you realize it the better.

5 – Ambition is good, but gratitude for what you have right now is a practice that will make you much happier.

6 – Don’t compare yourself to other people. There will always be someone smarter, funnier, better looking and more talented. But there’s only one of you.  Own that and celebrate it and you’ll be just fine.

8 – Questions are good. It’s okay to be a beginner. In fact, it’s a really good state of mind to have in most interactions with people and things.  The Zen Buddhists call it Beginner’s Mind and it means to be open to new ideas and question things rather than take the stance of an expert who already knows it all.

9 – Help other people when you can. Its good karma and feels right.

10 – Work doesn’t have to suck. If you think it does, it’s time for a change.

These are just a few of mine.  What lessons have you learned in life?  Please feel free to share in the comments.

Posted in Uncategorized, change, letting go, musings, self development, solutions, state of mind | 2 Comments »

quick shot of inspiration

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010
 

“Character – the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life – is the source from which self-respect springs.” – Joan Didion

I’m heading out later today on an excursion for the rest of the week so here’s a quick post with one of my favorite quotes.  When I got sober for the last time, this profound statement kept me going. I posted it on my refrigerator where it remains today.  I would love to put it in the employee manual at many places where I’ve worked.  I’m sure I could have used it in addition to many coworkers. We love to blame other people for our problems. We have no control over anybody but ourselves.  We need to quit bitching and take this quote to heart. it can be transformative.

Posted in musings, self development, state of mind | 1 Comment »

it’s never too late to change

Tuesday, June 15th, 2010
 

It’s never too late to change. If you’re still breathing and your heart is pumping, you can do it.

Take a moment and ask yourself if you like how you feel.   Do you like how you feel when you wake up? (correction: after the first cup of coffee?)  Do you enjoy the work that you’re doing? How about the people you’re doing it with? Do you feel happy when you walk in to your home at night?

If something isn’t right, the first shift is acknowledging it. That probably seems simple, but it can be a formidable act. Many people will do anything to avoid looking at what isn’t working.  It can be painful, frustrating, overwhelming and potentially create unrest in your life.  Nobody likes unrest.  Especially when it affects those around you.

Although you hopefully know by now that you can’t live your life based on others expectations, it can still be a challenge to put yourself first.  But, it really is simpler and more straightforward to follow your own heart rather than someone else’s. Sure, there are concrete obligations to consider and you can consider them part of the creative brief.  You’ve thrived creatively on the limitations imposed on a problem to solve, now apply that concept to your own happiness.

After you’ve recognized the truth, it’s time to create your vision. Think big.  Don’t let your rational mind hold you back.  There’s time later to sort through it and make it realistic yet authentic, but in its infancy, have fun and break the rules.  After you’ve done that, give it some time to settle in and then percolate.

At this point it’s helpful to talk through your ideas with someone.  This is where an objective point of view can keep you focused, moving forward, pragmatic yet positive. We often get in our own way and a partner, like a coach or a trusted friend can prevent you from going down the dark road of your own mind for too long.  Once you have 3 to 4 different possibilities, its research time.  Here’s where you use your online and personal resources. Look in to things and talk to people. When you’re taking in lots of external information it can be overwhelming and confusing, but also invigorating and clarifying. Continue to believe in your ability to change.

Take care of yourself throughout this process.  Hopefully you know what that means for you.  Remember that you have choices.  There are sometimes too many and sometimes too few, but trust that the process will bring the right choice to the surface. Then believe that you have the ability to make the change. More and more in my life I’m seeing how we’re only limited by our own beliefs. Create the new belief that it’s never too late to change.

Posted in Uncategorized, action, change, problem solving, self development, state of mind | 1 Comment »

how i removed the object of my suffering

Thursday, June 3rd, 2010
 

In Buddhism there are Four Noble Truths. The first says that life is suffering, the second is that suffering is caused by craving and desire, and the third is that suffering can be removed by removing the craving. These three Truths helped me get sober ten years ago.

To continue from my last blog post, this is what transformed my life. I’ve never talked about it publicly, nor do I share it with people openly, until now.

I’ve had an epiphany that my work is to support people in making changes in their lives.  So, it only makes sense to explain how I changed my life in such a significant way.  I’m also on my own quest for personal authenticity and sharing my own story is part of that.

In my search to find where I fit in the world I’ve had many insightful guides and teachers.  I’ve read books on meditation, Buddhism, Taoism, Chakras, gratitude and being present.  I’ve read and benefited from brilliant authors like Stephen Levine, Melody Beattie, Gary Zukav, Eckhart Tolle and Pema Chodron. They all helped and I doubt I would be who I am today had I not done this searching, but what made the biggest difference was taking away the object of my suffering:  alcohol.

Before I was ready, I spent a lot of time searching for a loophole in the word “alcoholic.”  But finally I decided to skip the diagnosis part and stop drinking to see what happens. Immediately, my life improved.  No longer did I feel like I was going around in circles.  For the first time in my adult life, I felt forward momentum.

This is what I had to remove from my life.  For someone else, it might be overeating, or spending too much money or whatever you do to avoid dealing with life and its complexities.   I’m not suggesting that this is everyone’s answer.  But I am suggesting that you be completely honest with yourself by looking in the mirror and acknowledging what you already know.

It actually took awhile for me to recognize the person I’ve become. When I left my job 3 years ago to work for myself, friends said it was brave and that I’m not afraid of change.  I was taken aback because I still thought of myself as the “old me.” The one who talked about my plans a lot, but rarely acted on them.     Since I had my last drink I’ve run a 10k (marveling more at rising at such an early hour than the race itself), completed a year long yoga teacher training program (amazed that I stuck with it even when it was hard), got a dog, started my own business, switched gears on my business and began a blog, moved back to my hometown, got a cat, then another dog.  It’s not that these things are so amazing, but more that they happened at all.  They were things that I thought about, wanted and went out and got.  Life was happening because of me, not in spite of me.  My fears became guideposts rather than obstacles and I finally could trust in the process.

That’s why I love to help other people. I recognize the feeling of being overwhelmed or that we don’t know what we “should” know, but I’ve found that within all of us lies the ability to live to our full potential. We just have to be willing to do the work and if there’s an object of your suffering, deal with it. Be honest with yourself. Look in the mirror and be honest. That’s what I did then, and that’s what I’m doing now by telling you about me.

Posted in change, self development, solutions, state of mind | 15 Comments »