anne hubben, creative career coach         anne@rubycreatives.com 917.834.0354

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what are you tolerating?

Wednesday, August 11th, 2010
 

Do you ever notice how there are certain things that just never get done?  For me there’s a big basket of receipts that I have to sort that has been sitting near my TV for more than a month, maybe it’s 2, I can’t bear to count.  I have a purple room in my house that I’d really like to paint. Every time I look at it, I feel the weight of that chore.

In the world of coaching they call these tolerations.  It’s any sort of “to do” that nags at you every time you encounter it.  It could be a small task like replacing a light bulb to a larger task like cleaning out your closet or in my case painting a room.   No matter how big or small the task is, it’s there weighing on you and draining your energy.

Why don’t we just do these things then? I have no idea. I’m not a psychologist.  But I am a coach and my job is to create ways to move through these kinds of obstacles.   So here are a few suggestions on how to abolish your tolerations.

1.  Create a list of every single toleration in your house or personal life:  from the disastrous sock drawer to the roof that needs shingling to the vet appointment for your dog.  Then in your office or professional life:  from the expense report to your employee’s review to updating your bio. Decide whether to tackle one list at a time or both.  If both, try doing 5 things from one list, then switch to the other and back again.

2.  Prioritize the list.  In fact, feel free to put the easiest things at the top of the list so that you can have the immediate gratification of crossing a few things off.  But you also might consider putting the harder stuff first to get it out of the way. You know yourself so do it in whatever way you think will be most effective.

3. Take a few moments to envision how it will feel to have some of these things done.  For me, I could imagine feeling satisfied and peaceful when my room is no longer purple.  It will be more aesthetically pleasing + I will enjoy spending time in there rather than just leaving it for my dogs to hang out in.

4. Commit to a plan that is specific and realistic.  Depending on the length of your list, it could be a commitment to fix one thing a day. Or if everything is large on your list, then commit to one task a week.  Just don’t go overboard, think about your schedule, be practical.  Tell someone about your plan.  Even better partner up with someone for support.

I’m going to do this myself + will report back on how I’m doing. If you’d like to join me, let me know in the comments or send me an email.

Posted in action, problem solving, solutions | 2 Comments »

do it anyway

Monday, July 19th, 2010
 

“Practice is the best of all instructors.”

- Publilius Syrus (Roman author, 1st Century BC)

I’m very familiar with the importance of a daily practice in order to get good at anything.  In a perfect world, I would have a daily meditation, yoga, writing + piano practice. Yet, it’s not a perfect world and I resist all of it. I like to think that the struggle is in itself a practice.

We’re not perfect. Even if we did what we’re supposed to do every day, we would not be perfect. We make progress though. Progress can be very satisfying.  I’ve just had that feeling after having practiced piano 4 days in a row. I’ve realized that I’m getting better at a couple of songs that stumped me last week.

When I started piano it came to me easily and I practiced diligently.  I moved through the first few books + enjoyed it tremendously.  Then I reached a book that was harder + it didn’t come quite so easily. Suddenly I didn’t like practicing as much.  Now there was work involved.

For the last couple of weeks, after a lesson I avoided the piano for the first few days feeling that I needed a break. After all, the next lesson would be a week away, I would have plenty of time to get up to speed.  But, I didn’t get up to speed. By the time my lesson rolled around, I would have practiced for 4 days, but it wasn’t enough. I went in to class feeling sheepish + awkward. How old am I? 12? I’m paying for my own lessons. Why would I do that?  So, I fessed up to my teacher + he gave it to me straight, “you have to practice on the day of our lesson so this stuff sinks in or you won’t progress as you should.”   That’s all I needed to hear.  The jig was up. I have to practice. I’m not a prodigy. Although even they need to practice.

It is satisfying to see my progress after doing what he suggested.  I’m amused by my resistance to something that I’m doing by choice because I enjoy it.  In fact, that’s the case with anything I resist like writing or yoga.

It’s easy when it’s effortless. The real work comes in when it’s not. That’s also when you grow + see things unfold.  By writing this post, I’m working on detaching from the “struggle.”  It’s something that happens + I don’t have to succumb to it. I’m bigger than that. I can notice the resistance + do it any way. That’s what makes a practice.

Posted in persistence, self development, solutions | 2 Comments »

5 thoughts on setting boundaries

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010
 

Many people have a hard time setting clear boundaries. Whether it’s at work or with family or friends, it can be tough.  So, here are a few thoughts that I thought might help with this.

1 — In order to speak up, trust that the other person can handle what you have to say.

2 — if you don’t speak up, it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

3 — Be impeccable with your word. (That’s from the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and the one that stayed with me).  When you say you’re finished with someone or something, be finished. Make sure you’re ready and you mean it before you speak up.

4 — Check your motives. Are you calling your former friend because you genuinely want to see her or because you don’t want to be disliked?

5 — Allow for the empty space that will at first surround you. When you cut ties with people who aren’t good for you, you may feel alone in the beginning. This may be hard, but it is an important time to get through because it will allow for new and hopefully healthier people to come in to the space that you’ve created.

Posted in communication, self development, solutions | No Comments »

10 things I know now

Monday, June 21st, 2010
 
YouTube Preview Image

Continuing with my movement for midlife transformation I thought I’d make a list of 10 things that would have been nice to know when I was younger. Although even if someone had told me, and maybe they did, these are things you probably have to experience for yourself to have any faith in.

1 – It will all work itself out if you just keep moving forward.

2 – We’re all scared. The secret is to do it anyway.

3 – Everybody else doesn’t have it as figured out as they appear to.

4 – Acceptance of things you can’t control, like other people, is one of the most powerful things you can learn. The sooner you realize it the better.

5 – Ambition is good, but gratitude for what you have right now is a practice that will make you much happier.

6 – Don’t compare yourself to other people. There will always be someone smarter, funnier, better looking and more talented. But there’s only one of you.  Own that and celebrate it and you’ll be just fine.

8 – Questions are good. It’s okay to be a beginner. In fact, it’s a really good state of mind to have in most interactions with people and things.  The Zen Buddhists call it Beginner’s Mind and it means to be open to new ideas and question things rather than take the stance of an expert who already knows it all.

9 – Help other people when you can. Its good karma and feels right.

10 – Work doesn’t have to suck. If you think it does, it’s time for a change.

These are just a few of mine.  What lessons have you learned in life?  Please feel free to share in the comments.

Posted in Uncategorized, change, letting go, musings, self development, solutions, state of mind | 2 Comments »

stay in the game by playing

Monday, June 7th, 2010
 

YouTube Preview ImageMy sister and I still chuckle about a friend saying to us a few years back that “this internet thing will never last.”  It not only lasted, but changed more things than we ever could have imagined. So when I hear people say that they don’t see what’s so different about interactive advertising vs. traditional advertising, it reminds me of this friend’s comment.  Yes, a good creative person should be able to come up with an idea that can cross all media, but how can you do that without being on top of the technology?   Staying on top of it doesn’t necessarily mean taking a class in html coding. Sure, that would be helpful, but first, familiarize yourself with the media.  You have to play with the tools a bit on your own, find out what you want to know more of and why. Don’t just take a class to save your ass. The internet is here to stay so if we want to stay employed, we need to embrace that fact.

For example, many people will say that they have Facebook or Twitter accounts, but they don’t get what the big deal is or hardly ever use it.  If you don’t get what these services provide, then there’s no sense in using your hard earned money (and time) for a class.  Knowing coding won’t give you ideas on how to engage with the consumer.  It’s like learning french, but having nobody else to speak french with.  It’s fine, but you probably won’t retain it for very long or enjoy it as much.  As for social networks, you don’t have to love them, but it’s important to have an understanding of why some people would.

The reason I love Twitter so much is for the accessible information.  I have access to leaders in advertising, design, technology and fine art.  I know what they’re up to, what they’re thinking about, who they’re collaborating with. I can be a part of the conversation.  That’s pretty cool considering I live in a suburb in Cleveland.

Many people want to make the effort to use these tools, but get overwhelmed by where to start.  Since you’re probably already on Facebook, start there.  One valid concern with Facebook is the whole privacy issue.  Take a look at this article that explains what the situation is and gives you the steps to protect your privacy.

Ok, so you’re on there, now what?  Do some searches and look for the different pages that people have set up.  These are found in the left hand column. You can start with mine and then go to my favorites that l list.  If it’s a big brand, there’s usually more going on like games, contests, videos, like on Slurpee’s page.   Or search key words like “advertising” or “art director” or whatever interests you.

Some people object to the applications that people send.  Just ignore them.  I prefer to check out shared links and videos.  I like to post links that people might find interesting, helpful or funny.  If you’re not in to someone’s updates, but want to stay connected, just remove them from your newsfeed.

Don’t worry if you do all this and you still don’t like it.  Hopefully, if you’re in advertising you’ll at least see how someone else could like it. Then try out something else.  Personally, I prefer Twitter.  So I’ll talk about that in my next post.

Posted in action, advertising, change, solutions | 1 Comment »

how i removed the object of my suffering

Thursday, June 3rd, 2010
 

In Buddhism there are Four Noble Truths. The first says that life is suffering, the second is that suffering is caused by craving and desire, and the third is that suffering can be removed by removing the craving. These three Truths helped me get sober ten years ago.

To continue from my last blog post, this is what transformed my life. I’ve never talked about it publicly, nor do I share it with people openly, until now.

I’ve had an epiphany that my work is to support people in making changes in their lives.  So, it only makes sense to explain how I changed my life in such a significant way.  I’m also on my own quest for personal authenticity and sharing my own story is part of that.

In my search to find where I fit in the world I’ve had many insightful guides and teachers.  I’ve read books on meditation, Buddhism, Taoism, Chakras, gratitude and being present.  I’ve read and benefited from brilliant authors like Stephen Levine, Melody Beattie, Gary Zukav, Eckhart Tolle and Pema Chodron. They all helped and I doubt I would be who I am today had I not done this searching, but what made the biggest difference was taking away the object of my suffering:  alcohol.

Before I was ready, I spent a lot of time searching for a loophole in the word “alcoholic.”  But finally I decided to skip the diagnosis part and stop drinking to see what happens. Immediately, my life improved.  No longer did I feel like I was going around in circles.  For the first time in my adult life, I felt forward momentum.

This is what I had to remove from my life.  For someone else, it might be overeating, or spending too much money or whatever you do to avoid dealing with life and its complexities.   I’m not suggesting that this is everyone’s answer.  But I am suggesting that you be completely honest with yourself by looking in the mirror and acknowledging what you already know.

It actually took awhile for me to recognize the person I’ve become. When I left my job 3 years ago to work for myself, friends said it was brave and that I’m not afraid of change.  I was taken aback because I still thought of myself as the “old me.” The one who talked about my plans a lot, but rarely acted on them.     Since I had my last drink I’ve run a 10k (marveling more at rising at such an early hour than the race itself), completed a year long yoga teacher training program (amazed that I stuck with it even when it was hard), got a dog, started my own business, switched gears on my business and began a blog, moved back to my hometown, got a cat, then another dog.  It’s not that these things are so amazing, but more that they happened at all.  They were things that I thought about, wanted and went out and got.  Life was happening because of me, not in spite of me.  My fears became guideposts rather than obstacles and I finally could trust in the process.

That’s why I love to help other people. I recognize the feeling of being overwhelmed or that we don’t know what we “should” know, but I’ve found that within all of us lies the ability to live to our full potential. We just have to be willing to do the work and if there’s an object of your suffering, deal with it. Be honest with yourself. Look in the mirror and be honest. That’s what I did then, and that’s what I’m doing now by telling you about me.

Posted in change, self development, solutions, state of mind | 15 Comments »

is rejection holding you back?

Friday, April 9th, 2010
 

Rejection stinks. Especially when you’re a sensitive type which most creative people are.  Fear of rejection is almost worse because its something we’re creating ourselves.  Having processed my own share of rejection and fear of it, as well as working with many clients who have to deal with it in different ways, I thought it would be worth writing about.

Some examples of rejection could be:

  • Your Creative Director tells you to get back to the drawing board after you and your partner stay up all night creating what you were sure would win you a Clio.
  • You spend 2 days writing the perfect cover letter for your dream job and you hear that they’ve hired someone else.
  • The agent who was so excited about your proposal doesn’t return your call.
  • You have a great idea in a brainstorming session, but don’t share it because you don’t want to look bad.

Whatever the flavor is, when it happens to you, it can bring up all kinds of uncomfortable feelings — shame, self-righteous anger, sadness, depression, futility, exhaustion, whatever it is, it’s usually not positive.

The trick is not to wallow in those initial feelings, but recognize them and move on.  Take the next action that will move you away from wallowing. That could be calling it a day and going home (put the brain down and walk away) or taking a walk around the block. Just get away from the situation for a minute and get a grip.

Then pick up the phone or pencil again and get back at it.

Yes, putting our work or ideas out in to the world can make us vulnerable, but if we don’t do it, then we really can’t wonder why we are where we are.

The barstool dreamer usually stays on the barstool.  If you want to get off of it, you have to deal with the discomfort and keep going forward.  Whatever you might think of Tiger Woods, you have admire him for getting back on to the golf course.  Sure, he’s got a lot of money at stake, but he could have waited it out longer.

The main thing to remember is what was so famously said in the Godfather: “It’s not personal, Sonny. It’s strictly business.”

Posted in action, letting go, persistence, problem solving, solutions, state of mind | No Comments »

are you dreading a conversation?

Monday, March 15th, 2010
 

i often help my clients prepare for conversations with various people such as a boss, direct report, interviewer or even just a person that they’re networking with. Everyone has varying degrees of trepidation about whatever conversation or meeting they are about to have.

My own experience has shown that most of the time what we imagine will happen is much worse than what actually happens. However, it’s important to be prepared.

Preparation is different in each case, but some possibilities might be:

1 — asking for a raise: be prepared to explain why you deserve one. Talk about problems you’ve solved, results you’ve produced, accounts you’ve won, etc.

2 — talking to a direct report who is having some performance issues: Think about the person’s personality and decide what will be the most effective way to communicate with them. Hopefully you’re already familiar and comfortable with this, but just think about it with specifics. Do you have an idea of some tools that could help this person change? Do you have a solution to share or help them arrive at on their own?

3 — if you’re going to an interview: Make sure you’ve researched the company and have some questions prepared. Make sure you can present your portfolio well, that you’re prepared to discuss salary and that you’re on time.

My point with these examples it to say that you can pay attention to things that are within your control, but you don’t know exactly how it will go and that’s okay. You might really click with the person or not. You might love the vibe in the office or not. There are so many variables that you have no control over that the best thing you can do to prepare is whatever it takes to calm your mind and detach from your expectations.

Be confident in the fact that you’re as prepared as you can be, you’re smart, capable and experienced and you can handle whatever comes your way. I had someone fall of her chair in the middle of our interview and we hired her. She was very experienced but clearly very nervous. It was okay. She did fine and it just made me like her more, but I’m a sucker for slapstick.

Posted in be ready, communication, networking, solutions, state of mind | No Comments »

how to follow up in today’s broken application process

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010
 

What started out today as a post on how to follow up on job submissions has turned in to a mini-rant on the application process. But, i give a few tips at the end, so bear with me. I should say up front that I’ve got no magic formula here.

There are many variables to the application process and they mostly involve people. People in the HR department where you’ve applied, and people that are looking for work. As we all know, there are thankfully many different types of people. Unfortunately, what is often the case is that the rude, inconsiderate ones ruin it for the rest of us.

There are bitchy HR people that treat your phone calls with disdain and there are insecure, pissed off jobseekers who don’t seem to understand that getting angry isn’t going to get them further along in the pipeline.

There are so many wonderful, talented, polite and hardworking people out there getting really frustrated, and there are also very decent HR people and recruiters (also wonderful, talented, polite and hardworking) that want to fill the job as much as you want to get it. They’ve got 45 more open jobs right behind this one and if they could get you in for an interview they would because they want the req off their desk. Unfortunately, they’re all short staffed and many intend to reply and often do, but things (and people) slip through the cracks and it sucks when it’s you.

The result is that highly qualified people are hearing nothing at all on jobs that should at least warrant a phone interview, and don’t understand why. All they want is a response.

Yes, they can surmise that no response means the company isn’t interested, but frankly, having been behind the scenes myself for several years, I know for a fact that people get overlooked.

Like I said, most departments are understaffed and that’s always because of, what else? Money.

I’m pretty tired of companies saying that recruiting is their number one priority because if it were they would have better systems in place for applicants. It’s not a mystery as to what needs to be done. If you’ve got recruiters working for you, ask them what they need. Your recruiters are representatives of your company and if they’re not responding to anyone, or when they do happen to pick up the phone, they’re rude or simply unfriendly, your company is getting a bad rap out there.

So what’s the answer? Well, obviously, the way that companies handle their recruiting is out of my hands. I can offer a few standard tips for follow up, such as:

If the ad says ‘no phone calls please’ then don’t call.

If the ad doesn’t say that, then wait 2 weeks and then see if you can get through the receptionist by asking for the recruiter in charge of hiring creatives (a recruiter friend of mine said 3 weeks, so it’s your call). You could also look through your Linked In contacts to see if you can get the name of a recruiter. Even if it’s not the right one, they will transfer you to the recruiter in charge of the job.

When you follow up, you’ll most likely get voicemail, so be pleasant and succinct. Give your name, phone number, position you’re interested in AND the link to your portfolio.

Then simply move on. If your work is right for the role, you’ve called yourself out from the masses of submissions and will most likely get reviewed. That’s the main objective. Your work needs to be seen. Making sure your portfolio and resume are showing you in the best light is another matter.

If anyone has had success with follow up that you’d like to share, please do.

Posted in jobhunting tips, problem solving, solutions | 2 Comments »

do your practice

Monday, January 25th, 2010
 

The good news is that I’m busy, and not with running errands, but actual work. My schedule is changing as I fit more clients in to my days and while it’s exciting for me, I’ve not posted anything in almost 2 weeks! Yikes. I actually thought it had been a week, but there it is — January 12th.

I was hoping that a topic would come to me as I did other things and then it would just flow effortlessly. Um, yeah, it doesn’t really work that way all the time. I even read another blog advising that to be productive, it’s best to set up a daily writing routine. I told myself that I would do it, yet I didn’t. So I thought if i wrote about it, I might actually make a commitment to it.

The problem for me with writing is that I always intend to do it, i block out time on my calendar, I sit down with my good intentions and then I start searching the web for inspiration. Check out what other people are saying, look for interesting topics, all the while responding to emails and reading tweets as they roll in. How exactly does that constitute as writing?

I’ve known for years that to get good at anything, the key is to practice. As a result, there will be days where it’s effortless and other days where you wonder if you could possibly be the most untalented person alive.

When I was younger I hated to practice piano. No, time didn’t disappear as I pounded away at the keys, but instead the 30 minutes required to be allowed to go hang out with my friends seemed like 8 hours. Clearly, not my calling. But when I write, it doesn’t feel like work, I enjoy it, time disappears, so why do i resist it?

I’m not going to be able to answer that in this post. Instead I’m committing to a plan of writing 30 minutes a day. I’ll shut down email, my web browsers and do it. In fact, this session counts for today. Maybe first thing in the morning is my time. Coffee always helps.

By writing on a regular basis, as opposed to when I feel inspired, I give myself the chance to write something worthwhile. Yes, there is value in researching online, but it’s still not the act of writing. Just like creative people need to immerse themselves in all things creative to be inspired, they’re not only immersing themselves. Everyday they paint, write, play, photograph, sing, whatever their practice is.

In the wise words of the great Yoga Guru Pattabhi Jois, “Do your practice and all is coming.”

Posted in action, musings, persistence, problem solving, solutions, state of mind | No Comments »

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