I’m determined to find another name for the so-called Midlife Crisis because it’s not a crisis at all really.  It’s actually a pretty amazing time in one’s life where we’re forced by some seemingly universal force to take a look around and decide if we are, in fact, happy.

If, like many, you feel like you’ve been dropped in to your life, you’re not alone. Many times we have no idea how we got to where we are. It just happens. For me it was a mixed bag. I was not surprised by where I was professionally because I had had so much angst about it that it kind of made sense to be where I was, but I was surprised by the fact of having to date again. Fortunately, I loved my job, and the dating, well, that would take me too far off of this topic.  It was also starting to feel a little creepy to be the oldest person walking home from the subway in the East Village (and there was that awful new building at Astor Place) so I moved to Brooklyn.  After adjusting to that change, I felt I had enough space around me to think.

But that just brought up more feelings and questions that I had to recognize.  The biggest question was, “What the hell am I going to do with the rest of my life?”  Whatever it is, it can’t be this.  Now, a couple years later, I work with clients as a coach, and see many people having these same feelings and questions in their late 30s and early 40s.   It’s a time when you have to face reality and admit that maybe you won’t be playing with your band at Madison Square Garden or decorating your vacation house on that Island that your husband owns.

Or maybe a different version of it could still happen. That’s the thing about this time – there’s less time left, but due to that simple fact, there develops a fire under your ass to get moving if it’s what you really want. Or maybe you just need to adjust your dreams a little bit.  Maybe Madison Square Garden won’t happen, but a small club in Austin would be pretty sweet.  Maybe my “husband” won’t buy me that vacation house, but I could still do it.  It’s feasible.  I work hard. Why not?

I began to feel powerful in the fact of my experience and less concerned about what other people thought I should do.  Yes, it’s true, I was single with no kids, so my options were less risky than if you have 3 kids to put through college.

But, hey, I had a mortgage and plenty of other bills.  It wasn’t like I just had a pack on my back.  But, these responsibilities were actually opportunities to get creative and figure out a realistic plan.  I had to take a look at what I’ve done, what my strengths are and make a decision based on those with a little bit of risk aversion thrown in.  I knew, for example, that I wasn’t going to try to become a copywriter at an ad agency or a foreign correspondent.  Well, I could have, but I wasn’t up for the struggle.

I instead decided to continue with what I was doing, recruiting, but do it on my own terms.  I took the leap and left my comfortable job with people that I loved and started working under my new name, Ruby Creatives.  What amazes me is how much Ruby has evolved since the beginning.   I started as a recruiter in Brooklyn, then, seemingly out of nowhere, I moved to Shaker Heights, Ohio, where I now attend Open Houses at my niece and nephews schools and I have a backyard with a garden.  I now don’t recruit at all, but coach creative people through changes like I’ve experienced myself.

It doesn’t stop here either.  What I’ve learned as a business owner is that I need to stay flexible and open to change.  I’ve been working on my brand since the beginning, but only recently have I had a revelation that I think is going to make things gel more over the next few months.

So, f*ck the midlife crisis and bring on the midlife transformation.   Okay, maybe corny, but it’s seriously what it feels like, so if you can come up with a better name, please let me know.  We need to start a movement.